I’ve been a little depressed after the Florida Supreme Court issued its opinion in Adkins the other day (I bet lots of other criminal defense and criminal appeals lawyers are too), so I thought I’d look for something to cheer me up.  Well, I thought I found it when I came across this opinion recently released from the Eleventh Circuit.  Butler v. Sheriff of Palm Beach County, No. 11-13933, is a case that arose right in our own backyard-South Florida.  The opinion starts out pretty comical:

In one of his ballads, Jim Croce warned that there are four things that you
just don’t do: “You don’t tug on Superman’s cape/ You don’t spit into the wind/
You don’t pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger/ And you don’t mess around
with Jim.” He could have added a 1 fifth warning to that list: “And you don’t let a
pistol-packing mother catch you naked in her daughter’s closet.”

After having a small laugh, I continued reading.  The opinion continued:

It all started with a phone call.2 Nineteen-year-old Uzuri Collier called
Larry Butler, who was of a similar age, and invited him to her house. Butler
responded to the invitation the way most young men over the age of consent
would have—he went. Once Butler was at Uzuri’s house, he and she consented to
watch television for a while. Then they consented to do what young couples alone
in a house have been consenting to do since the memory of man (and woman)
runneth not to the contrary. The record does not disclose how long these two
young people had known each other in the dictionary sense, but that afternoon in
Uzuri’s bedroom they also knew each other in the biblical sense. While doing so,
and while clothed in the manner that is customary in such matters, which is to say
not at all, they heard someone coming into the house.

The record does not tell us how the timing worked out as unfortunately as it
did. It may be that the two young people simply lost track of time, which would
be understandable given the circumstances. Or it may be that Uzuri’s mother,
Dorethea Collier, left work early that day. However it happened, Collier came
close to catching the couple coupling. So close that when they heard her, Butler
had only enough time to dash into the bedroom closet wearing nothing but a look
of surprise.

After reading the rest of the opinion, I decided that the case is not that funny.  After all, a young man almost got shot.  Why the need to start the opinion quoting Jim Croce?  And how is it that the Eleventh Circuit found that Collier, a corrections officer at the Eagle Academy, which is a “bootcampfacility for minors” run by the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office, was NOT acting under color of State law with these facts?

She yelled at him and punched him one time. Then Collier picked up her utility belt, put it
back on, and drew her gun. She told Butler that if he moved or did not follow her
commands, she would shoot him.

Butler tried to explain that Uzuri had invited him to the house, but Collier
insisted that he must have broken in. She had the still-naked Butler turn around,
she handcuffed him, and she made him get down on his knees. After staying there
“for a prolonged period,” Butler pleaded with Collier that he could not maintain
that position any longer. Collier responded by telling him to bend over or she
would shoot him. She “made numerous threats against Butler, [telling him] that
she would ‘kill him’ if he did not obey her commands.”
While still holding Butler at gunpoint, Collier called her husband and told
him to come home immediately. After that, she called a supervisor at Eagle
Academy and asked what charges she could bring against Butler for entering the
house and “engaging in sexual relations with her daughter.” The supervisor told
Collier that if Butler had entered without permission he could be charged with
trespassing and rape, but that if he had been invited in, she would have to let him
go. About this time, Collier’s husband arrived at the house, and he “also assaulted
Butler.” In what manner, we are not told.
Collier continued to hold Butler at gunpoint, threatening to kill him if he did
not follow orders. After Collier’s husband “inquired further” about the naked
man’s identity and determined who he was, Butler was allowed to get dressed and
leave, although Collier kept the gun pointed at him while he was dressing. One
can assume that it did not take Butler long to get dressed and get out, but before he
had time to leave Collier “warned him about the consequences of filing charges or
even ‘thinking about’ reporting the incident.” She told Butler that if he reported
what had happened, she “would submit a report to discredit him and would engage
in some ‘creative writing’ if necessary to justify the filing of charges against him
for trespassing on the property.”